I found the last thing you ate & saved it. Idc.
Idc. Idc. Even when the flies came, I simply
introduced myself to the rot. We sat there
for hours reminiscing about being something sweet
in this war left to spoil, we sang Suga
On The Flo pretending we could not smell one another
out of kindness. I begged it to become you.
It begged me to finish it. We both eventually
gave up; it went to the trash and I went to college
like we discussed in our last conversation. Then I quit
school like seven times to see if that would make you mad enough
to return. You didn’t. Resentment swayed through, so I drowned her
and demanded this be seen as sacrifice. Then I became a candle.
Then I melted. Then I waited for you some more. Then I began
thinking my plan was better than God’s,
then I realized I had been begging God to be a god,
and thus i had to beg God to forgive me for asking. I thought
about having a child, naming it after you. Then I realized that child!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!!10!
would never know its namesake & that it’s not fair
to want someone just because you want someone else. Instead
I named other things for you: seasons with the most holidays,
the sky’s face seven seconds before or after
it hails, the sound a heart hears when it is half returned, the first time I won a fight, anytime I lose
anything. The smell a bullet leaves
on a person – even when they aren’t the target. I drew a circle
in the middle of the last block you walked. I summoned
a banshee & I maintained eye contact.
I needed to know why I wasn’t warned. I offered. I threatened.
I bargained & the banshee wasn’t even surprised to see me there.
I am the talk of the afterlife after all, a joke
the myths tell: silly human who imagines
she has something the darkness has not seen before.