Rob Macaisa Colgate

Self-Portrait and Tactile Replica as Living Ghost

   I.       Original Work (Please do not touch.) 

Throughout the gallery, ghosts, of all senses: 
ordinary invisible ghosts that no one can see 
 
except the blind, ghosts in the audio room that only  
the deaf can hear, ghosts in the thresholds felt only  
 
by phantom limbs, ghosts hanging around like paintings  
suspended too high to be experienced as intended by anyone 
 
sitting, only discernible to those floating above their own  
bodies as if dissociating in front of the Monkmans. 
 
Each ghost born from that part of a person that dies  
when, creeping through the museum on any Tuesday,  
 
slowly, frame by frame, you find there is no art for you. 
No portraits of haunting resemblance, no shared institutions  
 
on the didactic panels, no synonymy of color or shape 
or function— just the realization that everything beautiful 
 
ever created for you was the result of an explicit request,  
and now on the subway home it is harder to believe  
 
that the boy actually wants to hold your hand, that you  
are not simply part of a quietly-funded diversity initiative  
 
whose sponsor is very satisfied, very proud of himself,  
putting up with your moods as you stare slack-jawed  
 
at your reflection in the subway window and understand: 
this is the only portrait of yourself that you get. And now  
 
the train arrives at the next stop, your reflection disappears  
in the station’s cruel light, you are not home yet,  
 
and now over the loudspeakers comes crackling  
the city’s insistent refrain: 
 
Please stand clear of the closing doors.  
Please do not make this harder on everyone.  


   II.       Tactile Replica (Feel free to touch this version of the art.) 

Throughout the gallery, ghosts, of all senses:  
ordinary invisible ghosts that no one can see 
 
except the blind, ghosts in the audio room that only  
the deaf can hear, ghosts in the thresholds felt only  
 
by phantom limbs, ghosts hanging around like paintings  
hung too high to be experienced as intended by anyone 
 
in a chair, only discernible to those floating above their own  
bodies as if dissociating in front of the Monkmans. 
 
Each ghost born from that part of a person that dies  
when, creeping through the museum on any Tuesday, 
 
slowly, frame by frame, you find there is no art for you.  
No portraits of haunting resemblance, no shared institutions  
 
on the didactic panel, no synonymy of color or shape 
or function— just the realization that everything beautiful 
 
ever created for you was the result of an explicit request,  
and now on the subway home it is harder to believe  
 
that the boy actually wants to hold your hand, that you 
are not simply part of a quietly-funded diversity initiative  
 
whose sponsor is very satisfied, very proud of himself,  
putting up with your moods as you stare slack-jawed  
 
at your reflection in the subway window and understand: 
this is the only portrait of yourself that you get. And now  

the train arrives at the next stop, your reflection disappears  
in the station’s cruel light, you are not home yet,  
 
and now over the loudspeakers comes  
crackling the city’s insistent refrain: 

Please stand clear of the closing doors.  
Please do not make this harder on everyone.  

Rob Macaisa Colgate (he/she/they) is a disabled bakla poet and playwright. A 2024 Ruth Lilly and Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg Fellow, he is the author of the poetry collection Hardly Creatures (Tin House, 2025) and the verse drama My Love is Water (Ugly Duckling Presse, 2025). His work appears in Best New Poets, American Poetry Review, Poetry Daily, and Poets.org, among others, and has received support from MacDowell, Fulbright, Lambda Literary, Sewanee, and Kenyon Review. He serves as a reader for POETRY Magazine and managing poetry editor for Foglifter Journal. The inaugural poet-in-residence at Tangled Art + Disability, he received an MFA in poetry and critical disability studies from the New Writers Project at UT Austin.