Charles Jensen

Two Hundred Channels and Everything’s On


Seven Marines were killed
today in a bloody confrontation outside

!50!!25!a new car!  This top-of-the-line Ford Focus
!50!!25!features power windows, power seats, seating for

a family of five earning less than $50,000
now exists below the poverty line, according to

!50!!25!Kim Kardashian’s new ex-husband Kris
!50!!25!Humphries, who claims the reality star

is better than Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow.
Pre-season games haven’t made a dent in the

!50!!25!visits from Ancient Aliens, this week on
!50!!25!History Channel: history in the making

chocolate chip cookies, y’all! These treats are
my sons’ favorite thing about the holidays

!50!!25!in bus stations and park benches. Home
!50!!25!foreclosures continue to rise, especially

among Golden Globe nominees this year. With
more on that story, we go to our Hollywood

!50!!25!Boulevard shooter gunned down after
!50!!25!spraying gunfire at passing cars earlier this

current slate of Republican candidates can’t seem
to make headway among voters, leaving the race

!50!!25!wide open for Danica Patrick to make her
!50!!25!play for first place! She powers ahead of

the shuttle Atlantis, manned by a crew of America’s
foremost astronauts, including the husband of

!50!!25!Elton John, who spoke on the condition of
!50!!25!anonymity regarding England’s phone hacking

group Anonymous unleashed yet another attack today,
this time targeting Mexican drug cartels, releasing

!50!!25!her fifth number one single from Teenage Dream,
!50!!25!tying her with Michael Jackson for the record

of voting against civil rights for gays and lesbians,
including DOMA and the repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t

!50!!25!squeeze the Charmin!  Charmin is softer than
!50!!25!ever before, and leaves fewer pieces behind compared

to the previous season, which saw Ross and Rachel end their
relationship over Ross’s ill-timed affair while he claimed

!50!!25!he needed everything in the house: years’ worth of
!50!!25!newspapers, tin cans, old clocks, rat feces—the smell

of money drifts down Wall Street where protesters
set up camps, food trucks, even a library of books

!50!!25!will be obsolete by the year 2018. Instead, readers will
!50!!25!download literature directly into their brains via

a connecting flight from Hartford to Dulles, where
travelers hoping to be home for the holidays will be

!50!!25!America’s next great fashion designer. Fifteen
!50!!25!designers will be pushed to their limits to create

jobs for working and middle-class Americans.
Congress’s approval rating is at the lowest it has

!50!!25!sleeves, warm fleece to wrap around you
!50!!25!so your arms don’t get cold while you

fight the insurgents outside Baghdad. The war,
President Obama said, has finally come to an end.

Charles Jensen is the author of four chapbooks of poems, most recently The Nanopedia Quick Reference Pocket Lexicon of Contemporary American Culture, and a collection, The First Risk, which was a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. His poems have appeared in American Poetry Review, Prairie Schooner, Field, and New England Review.
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